A letter from your fat wife.

 

 

Dear Husband of mine,

Thank you so much for loving me for the last 34 years.

It can’t have been easy to be married to a fat woman.

 

By the time we met at age 20, I was already lacking in body confidence.

I first understood that I was fat when I was 7 years old. It was from that point onwards that I became body conscious and started to compare myself to others.

 

I’m not sure that I ever told you about my anorexic behaviours?  They persisted on and off, from my fourteenth year to when I was 18.  And you definitely don’t know that I dabbled with bulimia for a year whilst I was at university.

I don’t even think that you knew how self conscious I was, eating in front of people.  I felt comfortable eating in front of you though!

It’s how I knew you were ‘the one’.  (So many other reasons too of course!)

 

I wonder if you understood why I behaved the way I did?

….why I was jealous if you even glanced at another female. Terribly jealous.

I know at times I was irrational, temperamental, moody and yes spiteful too.  I was prone to shouting and crying.  I wasn’t always easy to live with.

I wonder if you realised that I behaved in this way because I was afraid?

I was afraid you’d realise that there were better girls than me out there.  And that you wouldn’t want me anymore.

 

But you married me anyway.

 

I wanted to be a size 12 on our wedding day. You told me I looked beautiful in my size 16.

And after we were married I no longer worried that you’d leave me.  I felt secure.

 

But my lack of body confidence still caused issues.

You wanted to have holidays abroad.  I didn’t.

I made excuses about money and the children being too young.  But truthfully,  I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I knew I’d be comparing myself to other women in swim suits. I didn’t want to be reminded that I wasn’t good enough. I was ashamed.

 

Over the years I’ve made excuses not to socialise.  I’ve avoided reunions for the same reasons.  And in the process you have ended up missing out too.

 

 

Becoming slimmer caused it’s own issues.

As you know I lost some weight when we were in our early 30s. But I feel sorry now that during the ‘weight loss years’, I wouldn’t allow us to go to an Indian restaurant because of the calories.  You mentioned going so many times, and I always said ‘When I’m back at goal again, we’ll go!’.

Well that never happened, so we never went.

We didn’t have takeaways ever either.  Often I ate differently to the rest of the family.

I became a bit obsessed I think. (‘You think?’ I hear you ask!)

 

I remember you once saying to me ‘Don’t worry about it so much!  Just live a little!  We don’t know how long we have left on this earth!’

And you were so right.  The weight gradually came back on anyway, as it does for most of us who lose weight.

It seems the deprivation wasn’t worth it.

 

We’re in our 50s now

And finally I have started to see things your way.  I have left diet culture behind me and I am learning to embrace my body just as it is. My days of restriction, food and otherwise are over.

It’s taken me SO many years to get to this point of self acceptance. I now know that my body is love-worthy.  It’s beautiful in it’s own way. It allows me to do everything I want to do.

And let’s not forget the magnificent work it did in growing our 3 wonderful children.

 

It’s time for us to start to really enjoy life.

 

I’m sorry it took me so long darling.

A few years ago I might have thanked you for loving me inspite of my fatness.  But now I realise what you knew all along- that me and my body were always worthy of love, no matter our size.

 

 

If you have let how you feel about your body hold you back from living life to the full, take the first step in improving your body confidence by signing up to my free video series,>> 3 EASY STEPS TO BOOSTING YOUR BODY CONFIDENCE<<  

and join my free Facebook group- Time to heart Your Body and Live Your life

 

22 thoughts on “A letter from your fat wife.

  • March 8, 2018 at 7:49 pm
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    Wow!!! You’re amazing and love you! Xx

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    • March 9, 2018 at 5:20 pm
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      Thank you 🙂 xx

      Reply
  • March 8, 2018 at 8:05 pm
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    Well done for having the courage to write from your heart.
    Proud of you xx

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    • March 9, 2018 at 5:17 pm
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      Thanks so much Shan! Have you got a new website?? I LOVE the idea of fatbirdyoga.com!! xx

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    • March 9, 2018 at 5:21 pm
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      Thanks so much Shan! Love the sound of Fatbirdyoga.com 🙂 xx

      Reply
  • March 8, 2018 at 8:16 pm
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    Thanks for sharing Anna what a honest heartfelt blog. Sadly most of us sabotage our lives in various ways. You are such a beautiful women, but its funny what we focus on. thank you I have been wanting to write more deep and raw blogs this has inspired me.

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    • March 9, 2018 at 5:16 pm
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      Glad to have inspired you Eileen 🙂 x

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  • March 9, 2018 at 5:05 am
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    How wonderful for you that you have such a great partner. I have come to a place of acceptence of my body and its function. I am almost 55, and it has been a long journey. Married 30 years, my husband recently mentioned that he thinks a tummy tuck is a great idea. I have been cut three times for c-sections, then had my tubes tied, there is no way I am going under a knife again voluntarily. If he wants a perfect body, he will have to find someone else because I am keeping the body I have just the way it is: Strong, healthy and willing to do any sport I ask of it!

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    • March 9, 2018 at 5:15 pm
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      I love your attitude Pat! I wondered if I might get a response from someone whose partner wasn’t quite as accepting as mine; and I wondered how I would reply! I would have wanted to reply in exactly in the way that you have reacted to your husbands suggestion of a tummy tuck! So glad that you have come to this conclusion all by yourself 🙂 Go you!

      Reply
  • March 9, 2018 at 10:16 am
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    What a beautiful love letter to yourself, amazing clarity and such openness, thank you for sharing so honestly warm hugs

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    • March 9, 2018 at 5:06 pm
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      Thank you SO much Caroline 🙂 x

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  • March 9, 2018 at 11:05 am
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    Anna that is me, got to goal and now put on most of what I lost and I’m constantly punishing myself. I’m Going to get your videos as I’m desperately trying to change my mindset and now realise it’s been in bedded in my head from an early age… from my mum. Thank you for sharing this xx

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    • March 9, 2018 at 5:05 pm
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      Ah you are SO welcome Tracey!! Yes our upbringing has a part to play tracey for sure, but so does society and the media. we are constantly being given the message that to be fat is bad…..and the truth id it’s NOT xx

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  • March 10, 2018 at 1:46 am
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    Beautiful and inspiring! Thank you Anna for sharing. 🦋

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    • March 15, 2018 at 9:33 pm
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      Thanks Patti 🙂

      Reply
  • March 10, 2018 at 3:28 pm
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    Love this blog, very inspiring!

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    • March 15, 2018 at 9:33 pm
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      Good to hear Lindsey 🙂

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    • March 15, 2018 at 9:32 pm
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      Thanks so much Susan 🙂

      Reply
  • March 14, 2018 at 1:18 pm
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    Great piece! I have always seen it from your husband’s point of view—several times had fat wives or partners who agonized as you used to do. Some found peace with their bodies, but it had to come from within. The loving husband or partner can help, but can only do so much!

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    • March 15, 2018 at 9:31 pm
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      Yes you are so right- it does indeed need to ‘come from within’.

      Reply

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